When he was little my youngest son used to enjoy taking out my jewelry. He would carefully try on each piece in turn, closely studying his appearance in the mirror before he would remove one item and exchange it for another. This was an activity that could amuse him for 30 minutes or more– precious down time for me back in those exhausted days. I was happy to admire his various selections and tell him the story behind this or that trinket. The small pearl ring that belonged to my mother, the garnet set in gold that my husband chose for my 30th birthday, the string of rough southwestern turquoise stones given to me by my Aunt after one of her many journeys. Sometimes he would put on all of it — every single piece. Layered and draped in metal and stones he would whirl around the room like some exotic creature, intoxicated by the possession, however fleeting, of imagined riches.
These things are precious, but only to me and only because of the way they came to me – through the hands of people I love. Their value without this context is next to nothing– a handful of silver bangles, twists of beads, a few gold rings — that’s all. But for my son it all glittered with the white heat of Want and the promise of Someday. So too does desire burn when we allow ourselves to test drive a new car or try out a new lap top computer.
As I think about my relationship to the things have owned, I remember that feeling of Want and how intensely I would long for something. Many of us who were young before our homes became overstuffed with disposable treasures will remember the sense of pure delight when we saved enough money to acquire a small luxury. These things were usually imported, but back then they were truly special – french soaps and perfumes, a lovely silk kimono from China, leather boots from Italy that were so buttery soft you would lift the box to touch them again and again on the way home….
They were special because they were rare and expensive and they delivered exactly what was promised- soap that lathered thick and creamy, boots that fit perfectly and never pinched, the kimono that was just the right weight to drape beautifully. We saved for these things and treasured them – not just because of their scarcity but also because of our emotional involvement with the waiting and the many small sacrifices that were required to buy them.
I also recall the S & H Green Stamps that my mother would collect at the grocery, hoping that eventually she would have enough stamps to order something special from the catalog. Periodically she would pull out an old card table we had along with a bowl of water and a sponge. Then we would stack the blank books alongside the sheets of stamps and paste them into the pages until the books were full, stiff with paste and stamps but magical in their ability to prompt the Want and the Someday dreams about what we could buy. Or, the department store catalogs that arrived each year, thick with promise and hope for ordinary people like us. We spent many evenings when I was a child looking through those catalogs and dreaming about everyday things– new bath towels, drapes for the living room, an electric fan.
It was only later, as young adult, that I learned from more affluent peers that those catalogs of my childhood were to be disavowed. I was introduced to “better” stores and, like so many of my generation, I bought into the myth that feeding the Want didn’t have to wait for Someday – that More was Better. All of this occurred during a time when an unprecedented volume of goods became available at ever lower prices. The items we used to consider “luxuries” became commonplace, and while the constant pressure to lower prices did affect quality, we bought and we bought and we bought some more. All of us — stuffing our houses and stifling our children’s desires with more and more and more of whatever it was we wanted.
Throughout this spending and consuming binge, it never occurred to us that longing is a necessary element in a healthy relationship with our possessions. If we don’t long for things, wait for them, and save for them, then eventually we come to value what we have less and less.
Like the jaded traveler who hops a plane to Paris every time she wants new clothes or the person who eats dessert too soon after dinner, the effect of shortening the period of time between Want and Someday is to reduce the pleasure we derive from even our most important possessions. In this way we further shorten the cycle, each time seeking pleasure in acquisition that becomes increasingly elusive. Like the wild dance of my son, we wrap ourselves in “luxuries” that are neither scarce nor expensive, nor even meaningful. In the aggregate they serve only to deaden our appreciation for our extraordinary good fortune–that we have such abundance we must learn to push ourselves away from the table.
Elizabeth Conrad